The important aspect of leading others to accept your conclusion is to determine the direction you are headed, including where you might end up. I find it's easier to do this if you choose two options, the desired outcome and the worst case option. We'll discuss how to choose the two options and why there are only two in the examples. After you've chosen your outcomes start walking towards the desired outcome and don't stop until you reach either the desire or the worst case option.
Now for this to work properly the worst case option has to be terrible, and you have to be capable of reaching it. It has to be bad enough that the other person won't let you get there, that way they'll help you to your desired outcome. Also you have to be certain of the desired outcome, and of why you deserve to go there. If you waver at all in your certainty they will stop you. If you are unsure that you deserve to go where your desired outcome is, change until your certain.
Lets look at some examples:
The Narrow Street
Lets say you were walking down a narrow street and a stranger begins walking towards you such that you two will run into each other if something doesn't happen. In this instance your desired outcome is for him to get out of your way, and in this example you don't want to break your stride. You must understand the two outcomes 1) You pass and he stops. 2) You crash into each other. Some of you might be saying "But there's a third option! Just both of you move". That's the key, there is no third option if you don't allow there to be one. If you won't budge then only the two options exist. Then start moving towards your desire with full certainty that the worst case could happen too.
Some of you might be saying, "but that's just rude behavior you're advocating." And in this scenario it's true, you have no reason to hog the whole street and working together neither of you will be inconvenienced. But now assume you're pushing a stroller with your babies in it, if you don't have certainty of motion, you will be stopped and have to wait. This gets worse in crowded areas, just look at how bus drivers handle it. Others might say, "but I could get hurt". You're absolutely right, very often the worst case scenario is bad for you also. Either be certain or don't do it, there is no in between.
The Decision
A friend you've known for a while has begun to do things that are offensive, and you're feeling used. A common response is to discuss with the friend the feelings you are having and hope that they understand and can change themselves. This lacks certainty of motion, and leaves open a continuity of being used because you were indecisive. Again find your desired option, "I don't want to be used". Find your worst case scenario "I will no longer have this friend". Note that there are other things people might have said for the worst scenario:
- "I will hurt this person" - will you really? And is it worth it? A general rule of thumb is have every worst case scenario be something that only deals with you.
- "I will sue this person" - Will you? Sometimes that is the path you will take, but don't do it unless you're willing to finish that outcome. Remember if the desire fails you must take the worst. There is no middle ground.
- "I will write them an angry letter" - It is important that whatever the final outcomes are they mean you'll try never come up against this problem again. A letter is not enough of an end so you're not doing yourself justice in finding the worst scenario.
You might say, "but that person could really have been worth it". That means you were unsure of your desired outcome, you didn't really want to "not be used anymore", you wanted that person to be good. It always come down to the choices for your life. Making sure you're the only person who makes them is part of the certainty.
I hope this helps you understand how I move through the world. Since I'm not really able to manipulate others I rely on this to get me through life. Moving like a rolling boulder with little room for compromise. It may be this requires you to feel like you're stronger than other people, or more deserving. But if you want to try it, remember you are deserving.